My Literary Career Thus Far
Age six: My first short story was published in a limited one-edition printing. The story, entitled “The Tiger and the Deer,” was widely acclaimed throughout my house. Its plot revolved around a tiger cub and a young deer who became best friends despite tigers’ tendencies to eat deer. At the story’s climax an adult tiger is fighting his instincts to eat an adult deer, but friendship wins out in the end.
Looking back, I can see now that the story was a clear hack job. My six-year-old self took Disney’s The Fox and the Hound and Bambi and combined them with my love of tigers into one story. Still, the thing that really gets me is that DreamWorks animation ripped my story off for the movie Madagascar, where a lion wants to eat his friend, a zebra. Literary coincidence? Mr. Spielberg, you’ve been warned.
If I were to rewrite “The Tiger and the Deer,” which, frankly, I am thinking about doing, the tiger would still be grappling with the same issues: “Should I eat Larry? No, Larry may be a deer, but he’s my friend.” However, in the new story the tiger would eat his deer friend Larry and then spiral downward in an ever-tightening circle of depression and binge drinking. He finally ends up playing Russian roulette in some South Asian flophouse while the sound track to the Deer Hunter plays.
Middle school through high school: Discovered new, non-literary hobby.
College: Wrote several excellent short stories and literary criticisms. If anyone knows how to fix a Compaq Presario that makes a weird clicking and then grinding noise please email FLYMF with instructions. I would like to share these stories with the world.
I also published a poem about my visit to New Orleans. Unfortunately I cannot reprint it here since I lost all rights to the poem when it was published in Who’s Who of America’s Young Poets 2001. The tone of the poem was remorseful and sad, basically calling New Orleans a big stinking hole, but in more poetic language.
Junior and senior year I co-wrote a screenplay titled either “By the Book” or “Buy the Book.” Best movie never made in my opinion. The plot is unimportant, but it successfully wasted many study days before exams for three semesters. We submitted the screenplay to the Austin Film Festival, but I guess they don’t like feltching jokes in Texas.
Post-college: Took a bus from Charleston, South Carolina, to Seattle, Washington, with a journal in hand, determined to write the next Great American Road Novel. Instead, I used that journey of four days as inspiration for a poorly drawn cartoon series titled “Go Greyhound.”
I spent my summer after the bus trip working as a park ranger. Once while camping in the wilderness I had a dream that was the basis for my second screenplay. Nature truly is inspiring.
The plot revolves around Jackie Chan, his doppelganger, Michelangelo (the only surviving ninja turtle) and a vast government conspiracy. You might be asking what happened to Donatello, Raphael, Leonardo and Splinter, and all I can tell you is they’re all dead. You want to know how, you’ll have to see the movie. Unfortunately, this awesome movie is also on my Compaq Presario.
After losing this script I was despondent, vowing to never write again, but the lure of the pen is too great. I have been taking baby steps back into the literary world, writing and drawing for FLYMF. But I have bigger plans, so be on the look out for The Tiger and the Deer starring Jackie Chan in the summer of 2009.
Currently: Writing this piece as filler for FLYMF