A Poem I Wrote Reluctantly
I am writing a poem to fill space on a page.
I don't like poetry.
Poets might scoff at this assertion.
Ah, fuck 'em.
Poetry is boring.
Sometimes it's hard to understand.
The poet sounds like he's messed up in the head.
But usually he's just trying to sound like he's messed in the head.
Sometimes poets are girls.
Poetry is hard to understand sometimes.
Yeah, I know I already put that. Lay off.
Sometimes I get it.
The poetry, I mean.
But that's only rarely.
Usually, when I read poetry, I think of other things.
Sex, for example.
I also think of peanuts.
I like honey-roasted peanuts.
I also like cashews.
There are lots of things I like that are better than poetry.
I like stories better.
Some poetry has stories.
But those stories are also boring.
They say Shakespeare wrote poetry.
A few people.
Poetry can be funny.
But funny poetry is usually disregarded.
Suicide is not funny.
Neither is rape.
Suicide comes up a lot in poetry.
So do sunsets.
"Suicide at sunset" uses a literary device called alliteration.
Suicide at sunset makes more sense than suicide at sunrise.
Although suicide at sunrise could be done ironically.
Which would be very poetic.
How would I know?
I'm not a poet.
You should ask the gosh darn poets how to be ironic.
I'm gonna stick to the sunsets.
Nothing beats a good landscape in a poem.
Yeah, I'm kidding.
I'm reaching climax.
Of the poem.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
I'm going for shock value in the climax.
I'm probably going to describe a rape.
But I'm sure it will be metaphorical.
And incredibly misogynistic.
You want to know what a good poem would be?
It would be one about a rape that is not misogynistic.
That would be something.
But the poet wouldn't be allow to use italics.
That's the only restriction.
What a challenge!
It makes me want to give it a shot.
To become a poet!
But no, that would be stupid.
Rape isn't funny.
And I am not a poet.