Headlines We're Sure To See In The Month Ahead

by James Seidler

This election season has been a nasty one, what with Cheney’s assertions that a Kerry victory would increase the odds of a terrorist attack, and the “Swift Boat Veterans for Truth” bandying about the exact opposite in their television advertisements. Still, with a month to go before election day, things are sure to get much more nasty in the weeks ahead. With that in mind, here are some headlines we foresee in the near future.

Edwards Mocks Disfigured Recipient Of Latest Class Action Settlement

Kerry accused of 1968 liason with Jane Fonda, Ho Chi Minh.

Bush: Christ assures me Al Qaeda will strike again if Kerry is elected.

Shrapnel embedded in Kerry’s leg actually lab technician’s thumbprint.

Bush requires forty-seven syllables to pronounce Ayatollah Ali Sistani.

House Democrats Fail to Protest GOP-Mandated Chemical Castration

Secret Kink Revealed: Teresa Heinz Kerry Loves Hot Terrorist Cock.

Bush Caught Snorting Massive Line Of Coke Off Karen Hughes’ Erect Nipples

Kerry Denies Consumption of Vietnamese Baby

Jack, Emma Claire Edwards Stored In Overhead Compartment Between Campaign Rallies

Ghost of Warren Harding: Bush Best President Since Me, Needs To Tackle Negro Problem

© 2004 James Seidler, All Rights Reserved.